Sorry guys! No new posts this week, but I wanted to drop this in. We haven’t even gotten to the “sexy” stuff yet. But I had a talk with a co-worker who asked about “the BDSM stuff” and patiently sat through a discussion of SSC. Check the post below. It’s a great explanation of why 50 shades does EVERYTHING WRONG and should NOT be romanticized or taken as an explanation for how a healthy BDSM relationship works!
50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada
Use, redistribute, print.
Click image and magnify for large version.
Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.
so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex
it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine
i know my shit okay
im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid
knowledge on you right now.
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.
HEY LOOK EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT 50 SHADES SERIES IN ONE
ooo, someone actually broke down the Safe Sane Consensual thing and how 50 Shades DOESN’T EVEN TOUCH IT WITH A 10 FOOT POLE.
Thank you thank you thank you ugh this makes me so happy. 50 Shades of Grey makes me angry, not because it’s “oooh, too adult,” but because it’s a fucking TERRIBLE example of BDSM from someone who’s clearly never experienced anything of the like. There is no aftercare, some of the materials mentioned are NOT body-safe, and Christian is an overwhelmingly terrible Dom. Also, what the fuck is that contract? I mean, I’m all for discussing limits beforehand, but you cannot pretend you are making someone sign a legally binding contract and forget to tell them until almost the end of the book that they have the right to say no.
In addition, there’s this feeling that he is somehow “sick” for being into being a dominant, and Ana is held up as this perfect girl who can finally change his sexually deviant ways. Members of the BDSM community are not sick or deviant. It isn’t for everyone, but it also isn’t wrong (Massachusetts Puritan laws aside).
Well, I won’t judge. However, I am not really into dinophilia, necrophilia or mechaphilia. I’ll abstain. Except for Tony Stark. I’ll change that man’s arc reactor anytime.
But I finally got the “message” or “ask” box to work! Please submit questions, comments, suggestions, and witty banter!
Thank you and remember: Good Grammar is Sexy!